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GP, Alice Fitzgibbon discusses an issue that has tragic resonance in the construction industry
This month’s column is about suicide. There’s no point in beating about the bush with this one – we all know it’s an important, difficult subject. Many of our lives will have been touched by knowing someone – or knowing of someone – who has sadly been lost to suicide.
Suicide often leaves behind many unanswered questions for friends and families, and people often ask “what could I have done?” Now, sometimes we know the answer to this is nothing; perhaps there was nothing an individual could have done to stop it happening. But how many suicides are stopped because of something someone has said or done? Probably many more than we will ever know. By knowing what to look out for, and having open and honest discussions with loved ones, lives are saved.
If you are worried someone is suicidal, it’s okay to ask them directly. Research has shown that this is helpful as it opens a conversation and gives the other person permission to tell you how they are feeling. I know asking about this can be difficult, but the opportunity to open up may give a huge amount of relief to the person who is suffering, especially if they have been keeping their thoughts to themselves.
Asking someone if they have thoughts about, or plans to harm themself or end their life, will not put the idea in their head – sometimes people worry that they will give the other person the idea if they ask. Instead, asking can show someone that you are really worried about them and that you want to know because you care about them. By asking the question you have given the invitation to have a conversation about it – the person may take you up on it, or they might not, in which case they still know you asked them. It just might not be the right time for them to talk at that point.
When you ask about suicidal thoughts it is important to listen to what people give as their answer. Listening carefully in a non-judgemental way is important. Often, people don’t actually want their life to end – despite whatever is going on there may be some anchor to keep them going eg family, children for example. What they do want is an end to the distress they are feeling. This can be so overwhelming that suicide feels like the only way out. Listening and providing support is the first step to helping them try to find a way forward. You probably can’t solve the problem depending on what it is, but you can help.
Having thoughts of suicide can happen to anyone. It can happen as part of mental illness, emotional crises, intoxication with alcohol or drugs, or with none of these things. They can be precipitated in some people by life circumstances or events which may be making it hard to cope. Recent bereavements, relationship and family problems, housing issues, job related stress, financial worries, pressure to perform educationally, bullying, loneliness, depression, painful and/ or disabling physical illness may be the kind of situations that trigger people if they become overwhelming.
Sometimes you can tell by changes in someone’s behaviour that they aren’t feeling themselves. These changes may be very subtle and hard to notice if you don’t see someone very often. Signs that someone may not be ok might include:
- increased tearfulness
- Increased anger or aggression
- Being restless and agitated
- Lack of energy
- Becoming withdrawn, stopping replying to messages or calls
- Stopping activities they used to enjoy
- Using alcohol or drugs to manage feelings
- Not coping with everyday activities
- Talking about feeling hopeless, worthless or seeing no future
- Talking about feeling trapped by life circumstances they can’t see a way out of or feeling unable to escape their thoughts.
So what now? You’ve been worried, you’ve been brave enough to ask the question and you have an answer. What do you do with this information? You can ask the person if they would like you to help them. This can mean anything from giving them a phone number to call – the Samaritans for example (helpline number 116 123 which is open 24/7), to speaking to other friends/ family members, to encouraging them to book an appointment with their GP to seek further help. If you feel someone is an immediate danger to themself then it is an emergency and calling 999 emergency services is the safe thing to do.
Being a confidant and support to someone can be challenging. You may need advice yourself if you feel under pressure or if you don’t know what to do next. And if you are reading this as the person who is keeping it all in- please don’t. Speak to someone about how you feel. If you feel you can’t talk then text “SHOUT” to 85258 for text support at any time. Your friends, family, GP or the Samaritans helpline (116 123) want to know about your thoughts. We can help. You are not alone in this, I promise.
The Samaritans website is also an excellent resource for getting help or advice about helping people with suicidal thoughts www.samaritans.org.
